As I am sitting in my room, attempting to write this blog entry, outside, the guy who mows are lawn just happens to be mowing it. Do silent lawn mowers exist? If not, I will be the first one to put money towards it. The darn things are just so noisy. And what about motor cycles? Those things could certainly be silenced as well.
Tomorrow promises to be a long day as well. Tonight I am attending a special Town Council meeting, and tomorrow I will have to begin writing those notes. I also plan to apply for a few more jobs, as well as write a couple short stories and work on my novel. That’s write, I’m working on my novel.
Also, I just finished reading the book Delirium by Lauren Oliver, and am getting to work on The Kite Runner. Now, not that I mind having all this extra time on my hands as a result of my current employment situation, but I am spiraling downward into a big bout of depression. I think the depression is squashing my creative juices, and I certainly do not like it.
I keep wanting to start my own business. I am quite the dreamer and idealist. I talk and talk and talk about things without actually doing them. I mean, I’ll do them eventually, just look at my track record: zip lining, white river rafting etc.
I think the biggest thing with me is failure. I already feel like a failure, and like I have let my parents down. I feel like I might fail at writing. Rejection should get easier every time, but it doesn’t.
I don’t want to fail, but I also do not want to be stuck in limbo. I guess the only way to make sure that that never happens is to keep on moving and try to see everything as an opportunity. I used to hear the saying, “slow and steady wins the race.” Maybe that goes for life as well.
It’s just a struggle when I see everybody living my life.
Until recently, I never realized how hard it was to be black in America. As proof of that, ask my empty wallet and the pay check I’m not getting after two years scouring the job front. Any ideas of advice for me? I’d love to hear. But, in the meantime, I’m done bitching and moaning and complaining. I guess I am not entitled to everything and I just need to see the bright side of things.
And the bright side of things is the blueberry cobbler you see in the pictures throughout this post. I’ll thank Mark Bittman and How to Cook Everything for the wonderful recipe. The recipe called for 4-6 cups of blueberries. I used 5. Next time I think I’ll scale it back to 4. I also think I will add extra sugar. My motto is: the sweeter the better.
